Sometimes I hate how emotional You have made me. I often times have such strong empathetic connections to people, people who I haven’t ever met, that I find my heart constantly torn.
A few months ago, You placed me in an Uber one afternoon for a grocery store run. You had the driver take a route through a neighborhood I had never been through before. You had me pass a house surrounded by cops and ambulances. You had me find out that a young man at my school had taken his life right there that day. And it destroyed me.
God, I couldn’t imagine why I had to see and hear of such a terrible thing. And it was even more upsetting that it made me feel the way it did. I cried on my floor for the boy, for his family, for his mom. I thought of how he felt, of how his mom would feel. And I cried and cried. Lord, I didn’t even know him, but you broke my heart for him. I don’t understand why.
As I felt this pain so deeply I felt called to reach out to my patron saint. As I scanned the endless Saint Therese quotes on google I came across one that helped me start to make sense of all this pain. Saint Therese once said, “It is good to serve God in darkness and trial! We have only this life to live by faith.” As I wiped the tears on my cheeks I realized that You are calling me to live my life by faith and through faith, which means finding You in the midst of pain.
God, you are asking me to say yes to feeling the pain of others and being their warrior and protector in prayer and intercession when there is nothing else left. It is only by this pain that I can truly carry out what You request of me: to live my life with pure faith and trust in You that everything happens for a reason.
I am still realizing that You made me with this heart so I could feel this much pain and feel called to action. I think You made my heart hurt so much so I would pray for his soul and his family everyday since then. You made my heart hurt so I would pay more attention to those around me. You made my heart hurt so that You would help me see the pain You have for people like this boy.
God, thank you for making me feel emotions ten times as strong as it seems everyone else does. Thank you for teaching me that pain can be an opportunity to help others, whether it be through prayer or physically engaging with others. Lord, I am saying yes to this heartache and pain and because You are asking me to live out my faith and help protect and intercede for your children who are hurting and alone. You are asking me to pray for hope and love to be brought into this deep pain.
Thank you for surrounding me with people who remind me that my empathy is my gift. And thank you for making my empathy stretch further than pain, but also to joy, as it makes life so much sweeter. I love you with my whole heart, and I can’t imagine not having the heart that I do, no matter what pain it causes.